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Instead, this really needs to be a t enterprise to work out if there are areas in your own relationship that need attention. The curious thing about all this is that they often compartmentalise this side of themselves from everything else in their lives, including their partner.

But I am inviting you to think together about how you connect sexually and emotionally, instead of rehashing the actual events. Sometimes too, it can be about wanting to get in touch with a part of themselves that they think a partner would ridicule or be revolted by.

I am struck by your comment that apart from this everything in the relationship is great. Often though, the process of getting in touch with others is to satisfy a nagging concern that they may not be attractive, desirable or even likable. Others dabble a little and take the fantasy to another level.

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He reacted angrily at first, almost blaming me, but was later very remorseful. So my recommendation is that you stop policing him and instead, start talking about what happened differently. Many people fantasise about sexual situations. For some, it stays solely in their head.

But now, just under a year into our marriage, I feel increasingly paranoid - constantly checking his phone.

What does it mean to be polyamorous?

The trick is to try and understand what all of this is really about. I suspect this is where your husband is at now. Last year, I caught my husband on a dating site - actually, it was a swingers' or 'lifestyle' site. So, you have some choices here.

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So firstly, checking his phone is completely pointless. Occasionally they do hook up with others who share similar tastes, and yes, sometimes this does lead to relationships breaking down. From your perspective, the worst scenario might be that he secretly wanted to have multiple partners, run away from your relationship and not care how bereft you were or what happened to you. Having said that though, many people have a dabble and having done so, find that other things are more important.

Connect. discover. share.

Six months later we got married. I love my husband so much and otherwise our relationship is great.

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Then you will have big decisions to make. Ask Ammanda: I caught my husband on a dating site. Sex is no different.

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It not unusual to find that someone had almost developed a second persona, known only to themselves. No one made him do this. At the time, we were recently engaged and I thought very happy. If he wants to continue getting in touch with swingers, he will find a way of doing that. We are talking about how I feel and my husband insists he loves me.

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He'd also arranged hookups. I tried to believe him at the time and as there were no other issues in the relationship, we decided to stay together. There is always lots of pain and fear, often accompanied by a sense of betrayal.

If you have a relationship worry you would like some help with, please send it to askammanda relate. This can only begin to recover if you start sharing things at a deeper level. Yes, you can continue to check his phone but eventually, this will reduce you both to a frazzle.

What's it like to swing in hong kong (and why do so many couples do it)?

Some couples can work this out, but in my experience it nearly always ends in tears for one of them. You look on his phone and find nothing, but the doubts remain. These are all completely understandable feelings. All of this needs talking about together.

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Discovering something like this quite apart from making sense of it is highly challenging. To be honest, I do find that quite hard to believe because what is central to everything is your lack of trust.

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